The Quadrants of Humility
humility (n.) - early 14c., "quality of being humble," from Old French umelite "humility, modesty, sweetness" (Modern French humilité), from Latin humilitatem (nominative humilitas) "lowness, small stature; insignificance; baseness, littleness of mind," in Church Latin "meekness," from humilis "lowly, humble," literally "on the ground," from humus "earth," from PIE root *dhghem- "earth."
The word, concept and practise of humility is at odds with our culture's relentless pursuit of status and importance. One of my teachers, Ajahn Sumedho, once told us monks to be like earthworms. Earthworms, though insignificant and hardly noticeable, serve a crucial role in aerating the soil. The analogy wasn't meant to be taken literally, but rather as a reflection on our internal world, a way to temper our quest for fame and prominence.
In the fields of counseling and psychotherapy, the term "humility" doesn't often surface, even though it carries significant meaning. Among Western Buddhist circles, where freedom, liberation, and enlightenment are central themes, humility can be overlooked. To me, humility is deeply connected to the earth and nature, embodying a grounding principle that's synonymous with enlightenment.
As the overwhelming desire for self-importance begins to fade, humility allows wisdom and generosity to take the forefront. It's more than a mere quality; it's a way of living that aligns us with the earth and the natural world. It grounds us, keeping us balanced and centred, and serves as a gentle reminder that grace and beauty can be found in the most humble and unassuming places.
1. Understanding the Essence of the Present:
Understanding the essence of the present moment is a profound realisation that requires seeing beyond our subjective or self-focused view. We find ourselves trapped not by the number of thoughts we have, but by the craving or desire behind each thought. These desires tangle and confuse us like a knotted ball of wool, obscuring a clear path of understanding.
Through wise reflection and meditation and in particular reflecting on the ‘eighteen ways of self-narrative’ we can identify some of our unhelpful thinking. This continuous stream of self-centred proliferation can feel like a never-ending river; each thought leading to another, creating confusion, and tangling us further in misperceptions. We become lost in a maze of our own making, where every turn seems to lead to another dead end.
The situation is far from hopeless. By cultivating wisdom, generosity, and self-awareness, we can unravel the knots and find our way out of this perplexing maze. We learn to see things as they truly are, free from the tangles of desire and self-obsession. We recognise the transient nature of our thoughts and emotions, beginning to let them flow naturally without clinging or resisting.
In this relatively liberated state, we begin to allow the present as something to be experienced in its raw and unfiltered form. We awaken to the true nature of everything around us, unclouded by preconceptions or biases. The world becomes a place of wonder and clarity, where each moment is an opportunity to connect with a deeper reality.
Emily Dickinson wrote; “The Heart wants what it wants - or else it does not care”. The journey to presence is not easy, craving is persistent and the ego of wanting is crafty. We can concoct all kinds of stories defending cravings existence, even when we know it will hurt ourselves or others.
Slowly, slowly as we let go of our more destructive craving and self-centred thinking, we open ourselves to a compassionate, mindful, and present way of living. We move from confusion to clarity, from entanglement to enlightenment, embracing life with all its complexity and beauty. Presence is a transformation that doesn't change how we think; it changes who we are.
The Eighteen Thought Narratives.
Our subjective and self-centred view tends to revolve around these eighteen thought verbalisations and narratives:
1. I am,
2. ‘I am here,
3. I am like this,
4. I am otherwise,
5. I am bad,
6. I am good,
7. I might be,
8. I might be here,
9. I might be like this,
10. I might be otherwise,
11. May I be,
12. May I be here,
13. May I be like this,
14. May I be otherwise,
15. I will be,
16. I will be here,
17. I will be like this,
18. I will be otherwise.
The Application
In the context of psychotherapy, recognising our thought narratives are just one perspective among many, is not just an intellectual understanding but a therapeutic tool. It leads to an openness to possibilities, a richer and more humble experience of life as it is, rather than as we believe or wish it to be.
Clients often come to therapy weighed down by a multitude of thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and the incessant influx of information in our interconnected world. This overabundance can create a mental fog, obscuring the essential nature of experience and pulling them away from the raw and unfiltered reality of the present.
In therapy, the process of simplification and renunciation becomes a journey towards self-discovery. By carefully evaluating what is necessary and what adds to mental clutter, clients, with the guidance of a therapist, can begin to let go. This letting go is not just about material possessions or superficial commitments but includes shedding unhelpful thought patterns and limiting beliefs that contribute to distress.
Embracing simplicity in thoughts and lifestyle allows space for deeper connections with oneself and others, facilitating clearer thinking and intentional living. Clients can engage more fully with the present moment without the weight of unnecessary complexity. It opens a path towards a mental clarity where the essence of each experience shows through without the distractions.
Moreover, this practice within therapy cultivates humility and compassion. Recognising that our view is only one among many fosters a willingness to consider different perspectives. It encourages empathy, understanding, and appreciation for the complex and diverse human experience, enhancing interpersonal relationships.
Simplification and renunciation may seem counter-cultural in a society that often values accumulation, status, and complexity. Yet, within the therapeutic space, they can become powerful allies. These principles lead to profound peace, self-awareness, and fulfillment. By stepping beyond limited personal perspectives and making mindful choices, clients can pave the way to a more centered and meaningful existence.
In psychotherapy, this approach can be transformational, aligning individuals with their true selves and the world around them, cultivating a life that's not just lived but fully experienced and deeply felt. It's a testament to the profound potential within each person to find harmony, wisdom, and connection through the simplicity and openness of being.
2. Recognising the Transitory Nature of Thoughts:
Thoughts, feelings, and emotions are ever-changing and transient, not fixed or permanent entities. Grasping this concept can liberate us from rigid and often self-defeating thought patterns. It offers an escape from feeling trapped in challenging emotions like jealousy, fear, anger, hate, resentment, and grief.
By exploring these emotional intricacies, we can see them as fluid experiences rather than immutable realities. This realisation enables us to lessen the power of these mental 'poisons.' We understand that such toxic feelings don't arise spontaneously but are conditioned by our past experiences.
Approaching our emotions with wisdom and compassion allows us to see them as natural rather than shameful or aberrant. We acknowledge them as products of our history and genetics, and we also learn that we have the choice not to act on them. This choice is akin to allowing the poison to dilute and lose its potency over time.
Instead of being tethered to the pains of our past, this understanding frees us to move forward with greater clarity, openness, and resilience. We're no longer bound by restrictive and harmful emotional patterns but can navigate our feelings with awareness and intention.
This perspective is instrumental in supporting the therapist and the client in psychotherapy. The therapeutic relationship can foster exploration, growth, and healing by not becoming too attached or hooked into fixed positions or definitive interpretations of emotions.
The therapist can guide the client in unravelling the complexities of their emotional experience, helping them to see beyond the surface and recognise the impermanent nature of their feelings. Together, they can work to dissolve the chains that have bound the client to unhelpful patterns of thinking and reacting.
This process is not about denying or suppressing emotions but engaging with them mindfully and compassionately. It's about recognising the richness and variability of our emotional lives and learning to navigate them with grace and understanding. The result is a more flexible and adaptive approach to life, where we are not at the mercy of our feelings but are empowered to respond to them in ways that align with our true selves and deepest values.
3. Witnessing Beyond Phenomena:
Why Do We Anthropomorphize God?
The tendency to anthropomorphise the divine or conceive of God in human-like terms is a phenomenon that can be found across different cultures and religious traditions. It is a natural human inclination to make sense of the ‘divine’ and that which appears to be beyond mental comprehension in personal terms.
Recognising the metaphorical nature of these human-like descriptions can lead to a more subtle and expansive understanding of the divine, transcending the limitations of human language and thought.
In Buddhist theory, the ‘Divine or God’ is worded in the following terms:
· The Unborn,
· The Unoriginated
· The Uncreated
· The Unformed.
The Unborn
The unborn refers to that which has not come into being or existence; it is beyond birth and death. It is impossible to mentally conceptualise a state beyond birth and death as the very nature of thoughts themselves are grounded in birth and death.
The Unoriginated
The unoriginated has no beginning, no point of origin; it's not bound by time or causation. This concept helps transcend linear thinking, freeing the mind from time and space constraints.
The Uncreated
The uncreated is not created or formed by human hands or thoughts. It is beyond concepts and categories. Reflecting on the uncreated can lead to understanding the inherent emptiness and interconnectedness of all things, breaking down the illusion of separateness.
The Unformed
The unformed refers to the absence of structure or form; it is amorphous and beyond physical manifestation. Recognising the unformed helps us understand form's transient and impermanent nature. In seeing the transient nature of all forms, we see the inherent emptiness of form.
The application.
Certain philosophical and spiritual concepts offer a pathway to a deeper understanding and tranquillity in a world consumed by materialism, fixed views, and endless opinions. These principles recognise that beyond everyday life's apparent chaos and clamour, there exists a core stillness, a serene essence untouched by transient pleasures and pains. We can reduce our attachment to fleeting experiences by attuning ourselves to this underlying stillness, allowing for greater resilience and well-being.
These insights reveal a deeper level of existence, unbound by time, space, and causality constraints. They challenge us to look beyond surface appearances and superficial judgments to connect with a timeless, universal essence that transcends our everyday experiences. It's an invitation to see the world and ourselves not merely as a separate collection of disjointed parts but as a cohesive and harmonious whole, connected to all.
In the realm of psychotherapy, these principles take on a particular significance. Therapy becomes more than a method to dissect and analyse individual problems. It transforms into a practice of understanding that the sum is greater than the number of parts. Therapists and clients can develop the capacity to experience and communicate this profound stillness. It's not just about addressing specific issues but embracing a holistic view of the human experience.
This approach can create a transformative therapeutic relationship grounded in wisdom and compassion. It moves beyond treating symptoms into the fabric of existence, weaving a path towards inner peace and contentment. In so doing, it offers not merely a solution to temporary troubles but a profound shift in perspective that can illuminate the entirety of one's life. It's about seeing the interconnectedness of all things, recognising every individual's inherent worth and dignity, and fostering a deeper connection to our core stillness. It's a pathway to healing, enlightenment, a way to touch the sublime within the mundane and to find serenity amidst the chaos.
4. Cultivating Positive Intentions:
I believe generosity is the most important component in life and psychotherapy. It encompasses everything and is one of the hardest things to do. It includes the absolute ethics of non-harm, supporting renunciation, selflessness, and the willingness to give our best to all beings and clients. Generosity allows us to share our material gains with others and loosens our dependency on the notion that material wealth and comfort equate to happiness.
Generosity also involves extending protection and comfort to others, especially if we are in a place of privilege or power, no matter how small. It’s about recognising our privilege and being open to seeing and supporting those in a lesser societal position. It enhances our ability to truly listen to another without the compulsive voice of "What about me?" In listening, we are ready to share our life experiences, knowledge, and expertise, attuned to the other person's needs.
It is vital to see the intention behind our acts of generosity. Even if our generosity is sometimes self-deceiving, we incline towards genuine acts of giving. Even if self-righteousness and self-congratulatory impulses are present, this should not deter us from giving in the best way we can.
Generosity isn't merely an action; it's a transformative practice. Our work with clients helps us loosen the grip of self-centeredness, opening our hearts to others. Generosity is one of the most effective ways of abandoning self-obsession and fostering an open and unbiased heart and mind. This welcoming nature extends to our negative states without acting on them, denying them, or suppressing them.
Generosity isn't self-neglect. It's about supporting our own physical and psychological needs to be present for others. It involves recognising our interconnectedness within family, community, and the world and the willingness to form social bonds. This is especially poignant in our society, where loneliness is an epidemic affecting both young and old.
Generosity also represents true wisdom. It’s about being attuned to time, place, and situation, understanding what, when, and how to give. It's not a blind reflex motivated by others' expectations. Instead, it's a conscious and thoughtful approach.
Ultimately, generosity is a way of being. If we can inhabit this space with wisdom, the rewards are boundless. It's more than an action; it's a philosophy that guides us to a life filled with gentleness, openness, and genuine connection. It transcends the act of giving and becomes a guiding light for ethical living, deep compassion, and true understanding. It's not just about what we do but how and why we do it and the limitless benefits that flow from this profound principle. (Rory Singer)