The Quadrants of Humility
Earthworms and Enlightenment
The word humility has its root in the Latin humilitas, derived from humus—the earth. This etymology conceals a quiet revelation: to be humble is to return to the ground, relinquishing the illusions of elevation and superiority. Humility is not a degradation of self but a profound reorientation—a movement from inflated self-importance to grounded presence.
One of my teachers, Ajahn Sumedho, once advised us monks to be like earthworms. He wasn’t suggesting that we burrow into the ground but acknowledge such a creature's silent, vital role. The unseen and undervalued earthworm nourishes the soil and aerates the ground. Its presence is humble yet essential. This teaching, like the earth itself, has remained with me.
Humility is seldom celebrated in our culture of status, self-promotion, and achievement. In psychotherapy, the term is also rarely central. Yet, it may be one of the most essential qualities we can cultivate as therapists and as human beings. Humility allows wisdom and generosity to emerge, tempers egoic striving, and connects us to something more profound, older, and truthful than the restless cravings of the self.
This chapter explores four interrelated aspects of humility—Presence, Transience, Emptiness, and Generosity—rooted in Buddhist philosophy and psychotherapeutic practice. Together, they create a mandala of grounded living, serving as a framework not only for personal insight but also for ethical engagement with the world.
Quadrant One: Presence — Understanding the Essence of the Moment
To be humble is to be present. However, presence is not merely a matter of attention; it involves letting go of the compulsion to define, narrate, and centre ourselves in every moment.
Much of our suffering arises from self-referential thought — what is referred to as the ‘eighteen self-narratives’:
I am
I am here
I am like this
I am otherwise
I am bad
I am good
I might be
I might be here
I might be like this
I might be otherwise
May I be
May I be here
May I be like this
May I be otherwise
I will be
I will be here
I will be like this
I will be otherwise
These narratives entangle us in an endless cycle of self-formation. Each thought seems to clarify, but it actually obscures our understanding. As Ajahn Chah noted, we are like a spider caught in its own web.
Through meditation and therapy, we can notice these patterns without clinging to them. As we loosen our grip, our presence deepens. We start to experience the moment in its raw, unfiltered truth — not as something to possess, interpret, or control, but as something to meet with open awareness.
In psychotherapy, assisting clients in recognising and disentangling from these self-narratives can be profoundly healing. It creates space — for breath, for silence, for the unknown. And in that space, humility flourishes.
Quadrant Two: Transience — Recognising the Impermanence of Thought and Emotion
Humility arises when we recognise the fleeting nature of all things — particularly our thoughts, feelings, and identities. What appears solid and unchanging is, upon closer examination, fluid and impermanent.
Emotions such as anger, fear, jealousy, or grief can often feel overwhelming, even definitive. However, these states are not eternal; they are conditions that arise and fade, shaped by our past and biology. We lessen their grip when we approach them with curiosity instead of judgment.
In the therapy room, this recognition holds significant power. Both the client and the therapist can start to soften. Instead of pathologising feelings, we can honour them as part of the human experience — momentary visitors, not permanent residents.
This transience calls for humility. We cannot master or fix life; we can only meet it as it is, responding with care rather than control. The more we recognise how everything shifts — our moods, roles, and beliefs — the more gently we tread.
Quadrant Three: Emptiness — Witnessing Beyond Phenomena
Humility is a form of emptiness — a release from rigid views and fixed selfhood. In Buddhist thought, this connects to recognising that all phenomena are empty of independent existence.
The tendency to anthropomorphize the divine—to envision God in our image—reveals our need to centre the human ego in cosmic terms. However, Buddhism offers another possibility: to relate to the unconditioned as the Unborn, the Unoriginated, the Uncreated, and the Unformed.
These terms point not to a supernatural entity but to a dimension of existence beyond time and identity. They invite us into not-knowing, into stillness, and mystery.
We can also observe this emptiness in psychotherapy. A productive session isn't always overflowing with insight or dialogue. Often, the most profound work occurs in silence, where both therapist and client share the unknown together.
The deeper reality of interconnection and impermanence emerges when we stop clinging to fixed stories. Humility, in this context, is not self-denial. It is a vast, open field of awareness where we no longer need to defend who we are.
Quadrant Four: Generosity — The Humble Heart in Action
Generosity is the ethical manifestation of humility. It emerges when we no longer place ourselves at the centre, seeing others not as objects but as fellow travellers on the journey.
True generosity encompasses the willingness to share our resources — but also our time, our attention, and our protection. It requires us to recognise our privileges and respond with care. In a therapeutic context, it may involve remaining present even when challenging, offering containment without intrusion, and attuning to the unspoken.
Importantly, generosity also encompasses self-care. A humble life does not mean self-neglect. We cannot pour from an empty vessel. Generosity is wise — understanding what, when, and how to give.
In a society influenced by loneliness, division, and consumption, generosity stands out as countercultural. It opens the heart, deepens connection, and reveals that love is not a possession but a practice — a way of engaging with the world.
Conclusion: Returning to Earth
Humility is not weakness; it is strength without arrogance, clarity without certainty, and love without demand. It signifies a return to the ground — to humus, to simplicity, to the quiet, enduring rhythm of the earth.
RORY SINGER